The T-Rex In The Room
Getting Our Needs Met In A Healthy Way
Here at Moral Revolution, we spend a great deal of time discussing our human needs. The body, soul, and spirit all have legitimate needs, too. Our bodies need air, food, water, shelter and human contact. Our souls: intimacy, connection, and comfort. Lastly, our spirits need connection with God and the identity and purpose He supplies us.
This may surprise you, but SEX IS NOT A NEED.
(For the sake of this conversation, understand that I’m talking mainly to singles here, not to married couples…we’ll get to that later! But the principles still stand for them too.)
Sex may feel like a need. It can feel like a raging giant demanding to be fed. (You’ve heard of the ‘elephant in the room’? Well, I’d like to call our “sexual needs” the T-Rex in the room.) Our sexual desires can be very powerful indeed; we can feel chased down and intimidated by them...feel like we are under their control, completely at their mercy. We call them our sexual needs, but they cannot be classified as needs in the truest sense. A need is something necessary; it is something that you will die without. Let’s be real...no one ever died from not having sex!
Once we can understand (and accept) that sex is not a true need, it is much easier to figure out how to meet our needs in a healthy way! And the first step is to know this:
When we meet our soul and spirit needs first, our physical needs (sexual desires) quiet down.
If you’re like me, you want this whole idea summed up in a nice, neat 3-Step program for sexual freedom. Unfortunately, there isn’t one, but this is kind of what the process looks like:
1. “Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.” Galatians 5:16 (NLT).
Get connected to God so He can meet your need for identity, purpose and intimacy with Him!
2. Make sure your soul is really healthy.
A healthy soul looks like a renewed mind, emotional wholeness and a will yielded to the will of Christ. (This looks like self control.) This will bubble over into your physical body too (3 John 1:2 ISV)! Often, sexual problems are rooted in a soul problem- in needs of intimacy, connection and comfort. We act out, looking to sex for something that has nothing to do with sex! Learn yourself. Get what you need! Ask for help.
3. By this point the T-Rex will be more like a lamb than a lion!
(Please excuse the mixed-metaphors!) With your spirit and soul in order, you’ll find that your sexual urges will already be quieter, easier to control. You’ll be able to choose your behavior rather than acting impulsively, or feeling completely out-of-control.
So, are you still wondering how to get your needs met in a healthy way? Check out Part 2 here.