Raising Daughters

Raising a daughter has very little to do with dressing them up and putting bows in their hair, it has more to do with molding the next generation of daughters for the advancement of God’s kingdom here on Earth. Your little girl will go from studying all that you do and all that you say, to a reflection of how you raised her. A large part in how you disciple (train, discipline, raise, and love) your daughter will determine the magnitude of her attitude towards God, her husband, her children, other people, and her calling. God has prepared a path for your daughter to walk down, which can only be walked down by her. You can not walk down this path for her, you can only prepare her for it. Here are two practical ways that we can do this for our daughters.

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“Born That Way”: The New Science of Sexual Orientation

Gay people have a perfectly normal human genotype; they are not genetically distinct from all other human beings in any meaningful sense. Consequently, the development of sexual orientation and choice of partners cannot consist primarily in the elaboration of some controlling genetic disposition but, to a much greater degree, consist instead in the development and expression of personal autonomy regarding one’s own sexual possibilities.

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Emotional Porn

I know as Christians, we tend to put sexual lust at the top of the list of sins.  In my community growing up, movies and TV shows with any sign of a sex scene were put on the black list. But what if our emotional response is just as much a part of our sexual integrity as our physical response? What if we’ve focused so much on sexual lust, that we’ve failed to acknowledge the role of emotional lust?

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Are We Really Just Friends?

We’ve all felt awkward around the opposite sex before, “Are we just friends? Do they like me? Is it worth being friends with the opposite sex?” It’s easy to navigate friendships if you can start with this principle: the guys and girls in your life are your brothers and sisters. That is, until a conversation or commitment has taken the friendship to the next level. A very simple way of looking at it is that we are all family.

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3 Obstacles Every Married Couple Needs To Overcome

The other day I was telling my coworker stories from the early days of my marriage. It was one of those moments that made me realize, Wow—we really did not know the tools for building a successful marriage back then . . . but thank goodness we found them, because where we are now looks nothing like those days! The first and most important question we learned to ask ourselves was this: “Who is my counselor right now—love or fear?” Listening to fear led me to see Ben as an opponent, not a partner.

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Stop Hating Yourself

“We berate ourselves, talk negatively about our bodies, yearn to look like something else, concentrate on our flaws and yes, we even cry about what we look like in the mirror. We stop eating, work out more, take pills, shakes, and eat bars. All in the name of beauty? I don't want my daughter growing up to believe that her tummy is too round, or her legs aren't quite what they should be, or her triceps need to be more defined. I don't want her to think she's not gorgeous without makeup slathered on her face. If she wants to be a totally made up body builder, great. But I don't want her to need it to feel good about herself. I want her to feel beautiful when she wakes up in the morning, unashamed to be seen in public.”

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The Hidden Truth Behind Manhood: Finding Freedom From Our Hiddenness

I have discovered that universally, as humans, our greatest desire is to feel seen and heard, or ultimately, “known”. When a part of us is lost in hiddenness, then we can never be fully known, and without being known, we can’t feel fully loved. It’s when we bravely step out of the darkness where we’ve been trapped by self-judgment that we pave a way for love to get in and defeat the lies that keep us feeling separated from God, life, family and friends.

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Restoring the Heart of the Father

Understanding God as our Father and truly leaning into a relationship with Him through that paradigm has many challenges in our generation. It is clear that God wants to engage with us in this way because in the book of John alone God is referred to as Father over one hundred times. I, myself, have been on a journey to truly see God this way and understand what it means for Him to love me as His son. My personal challenges have been the walls I created as a child to protect myself from the pain of disappointing people.

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Risking the Breakup

Refusing to risk is normally backed by a form of fear: afraid of being rejected and ending up alone, afraid of being seen then declared to be not worth it, afraid of the pain of the breakup, afraid of what others may think, afraid of wasting time, afraid of missing out on someone else. Protecting yourself from this pain by not engaging in relationships doesn’t actually protect you from pain. If anything, it keeps you trapped in it by convincing you that fear is safer than love.

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Getting to Know Yourself: Keys to Overcoming Insecurity

The greatest kryptonite of relational depth is insecurity. In romantic relationships, insecurities can cause a couple to spend hours, days, and even years circling back to issues that seem to never go away. In friendships, insecurities assume the worst rather than believe the best. In marriages, insecurities can cause one partner to shut down, another to be jealous and a marriage to fall apart. In our relationship with God, insecurity minimizes us to a form of godliness. It is imperative that a healthy individual get to know themselves, become sold out to the belief that God made you that way on purpose, and then love what God created. So here are some practical steps to becoming more secure in who you are…

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Three Steps to Teach Your Sex Drive to See

“You are not a victim to what you see. You are powerful and capable of teaching your sex drive how to see. In today’s culture, it could be easy to be desensitized by perverse images and people being turned into objects of pleasure rather than people of value to be honored. You have the power to teach yourself how to see people as children of God. Here’s a few steps for a good start…”

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The Battle Between Love and Lust

Lust bolts, love stays. Lust forgets. Lust blanks out. Lust has no forethought. Lust lyricizes the glamour of one-night stands, love writes lyrics that says it'll catch a grenade for you. Lust utters empty nothings, love follows through on its promises. Lust defends without humility, love always says sorry. Love makes space to wonder, lust asks what time is it? Lust has double standards – ones that only work for the self. Love listens to the highest standard and fights for it. Lust sends a text to finish a romantic dalliance, love talks face-to-face.

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Your Broken Relationship Was Not a Waste of Time

I know what you’re thinking: these last eight months were pointless. The emotions, the time, the dates, the gifts – useless, wasted, the stuff you throw away like scraps of paper. Except the scraps are your heart, and the wasted time was your life. He’s gone, you’re here, and though you know how to move on and you’re walking forward with the Lord, it’s hard to see the purpose in an ended relationship.

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4 Bad Reasons and 4 Good Reasons for Getting Married

Years of counseling experience have taught me that marriage plans can either be good or bad, depending on the couple’s reasons for getting married. My initial conversations with engaged couples are full of questions designed to help me understand why they have decided to say “I do.” Here are some examples of good reasons and not-so-good reasons for getting married…

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"I Messed Up... So Now What?" A 3 Step Guide to Cleaning Up Your Mess

Whether it was pushing boundaries with your significant other, or making the decision to look at that website you know you shouldn’t be on, you messed up. So what’s next? How do you not partner with shame? How do you move forward in a healthy way? We totally understand, check out our 3 step guide to cleaning up your mess.

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