The 4 C's of Finding the Right Person
Out of the 7+ billion people in the world, picking 1 to spend the rest of your life with can feel like a really daunting decision to make. I totally get how confusing it can be trying to navigate through dating and relationships in search of finding that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
“As soon as we locked eyes for the first time, we just knew!”
“We were friends for years, and then over time we realized we liked each other.”
“I wasn’t attracted to him at first, but as I got to know him I realized he was everything I wanted.”
“I just knew she was going to be my last first date!”
As if falling in love didn’t seem ambiguous enough, there are so many different stories out there of how it happens to other people. So how do you know when you’ve found someone worth holding on to?
I’m not married yet and am still in this process of trusting God to help me find my future spouse. But I once heard someone talk about these 4 things to look for in a good match. Obviously, there is no set formula for finding the right person, but these guidelines have helped bring so much clarity to my dating process and deciding where and with whom to invest time.
So I give you what I call the 4 C’s of Dating:
CHARACTER, CALLING, CHEMISTRY, and CONFIRMATION.
When trying to decide if the person you’re getting to know is a good match for you, look for how you both line up in these 4 areas.
1. Character – What is their character like? Do you have confidence in their personal relationship with God? Do they have integrity? Are they honest? Are they selfless? Do they treat you respectfully and honor you? Do you share core values? Can you trust their character, and not feel like you’re always “carrying” them along morally, emotionally, and spiritually? Really examine and get to know their character to decide whether or not they have the kind of heart you’d want to tie yours to.
2. Calling – Are your lives headed in a similar direction? What are you passionate about, what are they passionate about, and are those things complementary? You don’t have to both be working in the same career field or called to the same thing, but if they want to devote their life to living in and feeding starving kids in a third-world country, and you’re called to the corporate world in San Francisco, for example, it’d be extremely tough to build a life together. Consider how your callings will line up with each other. God brings people together to support and encourage each other toward His plans, not stifle them. I believe a relationship and marriage should make you and the other person even better than you were on your own.
3. Chemistry – Chemistry is actually really important. This is what I’ve found separates a friend from a romantic interest. How do your personalities click? Is there an attraction? Do you have fun together? Maybe you really like hanging out with this person but can’t bring yourself to get into a relationship with them and you’re not sure why. It could be a chemistry issue—it’s possible to have great friend chemistry with someone, but lack that romantic chemistry. Attraction can grow, and chemistry can develop over time, but just ask yourself, “Is this someone I would ENJOY spending the rest of my life with?” Marriage is forever, so find someone that you can have a good time with, that you’re attracted to, that you can connect with on a deep level, and that you’d be EXCITED to spend the rest of your life with!
4. Confirmation – This is key! Seek God for wisdom, discernment, and confirmation. Ask the trusted people in your life--mentors, family, friends, pastors, etc--for their insight and wisdom. God wants the best for us, so be open if He shows you some red flags. Or accept the peace He gives along the way when it’s right. God is on your side! He’ll make it clear as to whether or not you and this person are good for each other.
I hope keeping these 4 C’s in mind helps you navigate dating and relationships with more clarity. Obviously, there’s no magic formula for falling in love. These are just 4 important factors that can serve as a solid foundation for a thriving relationship. I know there’s someone super special for you! And it’s going to be such a beautiful, powerful force when you two get together.