Risk > List



When people ask me what I look for in a woman, I find myself stumbling over my words. What they really want to hear is my list, but whenever I forget to mention physical qualities I’m labeled “holy art thou”. On the other hand, if I mention too many then all the sudden I become that shallow guy everybody regrets asking. It seems like no matter how well rehearsed my list becomes it always feels like it’s lacking.

Personally, I hate lists. To me, nothing is more presumptuous then believing you know exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. Sure a list might be beneficial for a season, but there has to come a time when the list gives way to another force…


However, culturally we exalt the list. When things don’t work out it becomes easier to modify the list than to search our selves. Likewise, we can set aside our attraction toward another individual by mentally pairing them with someone who is equally if not more fitting.

But why do we create lists? Is it fear of accidentally choosing the wrong person, or fear of accidentally missing the right person? Is it an excuse to ignore potential relationships, or the reassurance you need to go after them? These are the real questions we must ask ourselves.

The way I see it, we’re all like puzzle pieces longing to fit together. We may find that the ones that fit easiest are not always the ones we expect. When we subject every possible relationship to a set of mere qualities, essentially we are putting pressure on someone else to be the masterpiece. However, when it comes to puzzles it’s the joining that allows the masterpiece to reveal itself. Instead of creating a list to jump-start your dating life, why not do what you were created for?