My Mess Becomes a Message
A positive pregnancy test? My heart sank. How could this be? I was only seventeen. I just wanted it to disappear. Fear flooded my entire being. They promised I would be okay. They assured me they could “help.” They promised it would not 'hurt'. Little did I know that this decision would 'hurt' for the remainder of my life. Isolated and filled with shame in that dark, cold clinic, I chose to have an abortion. That would be the last time my heart would smile for ten years. As I walked out of that clinic, I not only left my child there; I left pieces of my soul and spirit.
The next ten years were filled with complete self-destruction: addiction, manipulation, deceit, multiple men, domestic violence, and even a stint in jail. I hated myself. I felt completely unworthy. At the bottom of the pit, in sheer desperation, I begged God to rescue me. I was so broken and battered, I knew that only God could help.
God did far more than respond to the cry of my heart. He clothed me in unconditional love. His arms protected me. He proved to be trustworthy. He began teaching me about His plans and destiny for my life. It seemed too good to be true.
However, I still could not bring abortion to the foot of the cross. It seemed unforgiveable. Finally, with tears streaming down my face, I fell before Him. I poured out my deep remorse for choosing to abort my child. All He could do was cry with me. I could tangibly feel His heart breaking 'with' mine. In this precious moment, He allowed me to see what my child could look like, and that she was sitting in His lap.
Only God could turn my mess into a message, allowing me to minister to post-abortive women and bringing His hope to an area so filled with shame and hopelessness. It is such an honor!
- Sheridan, 32, Texas, US