The Marriage Myth


Let’s demystify something real quick:

Sexual purity is not a “single-person” problem. It is a human problem. If you have a sex drive, you need to learn how to manage it healthfully.

This is a fact that I am very (personally) aware of. Like so many youth, I was once under the impression that if I could just “keep it together” until I got married, I would find sexual liberation. My hormones would no longer rule me. I would be sexually satisfied. I would no longer want to do what I “didn’t want to do.” The war for purity would finally be over in my life.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite that easy.

By the grace of God, I was a virgin when I got married. Sex was awesome and awkward and fun, but it didn’t satisfy all of my cravings. It wasn’t always available when I wanted it. (Let’s be real- your spouse is a real person, with a real schedule, a real need for sleep and for time with people other than you!) And it certainly didn’t eliminate the selfish, needy, proud and controlling attitudes that I had let speak into and direct my life.

So, what changed?

I learned that my purity was my responsibility. My sex drive was mine to manage, not my husband’s. I allowed the Holy Spirit to uproot those ungodly attitudes from my heart. I learned that keeping myself healthy (body, soul and spirit), greatly determined my sexual purity. As we’ve said before:

When we get our spirit and soul needs met in a healthy way, our physical “needs” (sexual desires) quiet down and become more manageable.

This is a basis of a Purity Plan; if you can meet your non-sexual needs well, your sexual appetites will be manageable. God did not give you a sex drive well before you were married to torture you; He gave it to you so you could learn to manage it before you started having sex! Singles, take my word for it- your sex drive is harder to say “no” to once it is active. It is a gift to be able to learn to control a sleeping giant, instead of one that is wide awake.

(For more on how to get your needs met in a healthy way, continue reading “The T-REX in the Room” and “Getting Our Needs Met in a Healthy Way” Parts 2 and 3.)