Ladies, Let Yourself Be Pursued
I’ve always been the woman who’s not afraid to ask a guy out.
In my early twenties, my social prowess felt like a gift. But just beneath my cool exterior was a self-conscious girl who believed the right guy would never find me, that I had to make it happen. Last year, I encountered the harsh reality that I was thirty, still single, and stuck in a toxic relationship cycle. Desperate for change, I invited God back into my dating life. I slowly surrendered all control, and this started with no longer initiating dates. It has been an imperfect, emotional journey -- but so incredibly worth my every “Yes” to Jesus for more.
Let me be clear: I believe there’s nothing wrong with women initiating a date. I’ve discovered that not giving men the opportunity to pursue us wholeheartedly can potentially shipwreck our relationships. Men were created to chase their desire; but in our eager anticipation, women step into the gap, not trusting God with the space between. Of course, this isn’t every woman’s struggle, and some of us need help to step out instead of pull back. But I believe we should take our hands off the wheel and trust God to bring the right man. I hope these encouragements help you navigate healthy dating relationships -- whether it’s for one date or forever.
We’re Right On Time
Sometimes we rush into a relationship to avoid the pain of waiting. We can be so quick to ask a guy “What are your intentions?” without ever truly exploring our own. If we’re seeking a partner because we’re anxious, lonely or sexually frustrated, we might need a heart check. It’s challenging to keep our eyes on Jesus when we haven’t yet seen our desires fulfilled, but we don’t need to rush love to get love. Waiting is a perfect time to ask God to reveal any lies or immaturity that may be lurking, so we can be whole and prepared when the right person knocks.
When a Friend Becomes More than Just a Friend
If God is highlighting a friendship and you both feel chemistry, it’s okay to make your feelings known. However, give him the opportunity to take the first step if he feels the same way. If you’re questioning a male friend’s intentions, have a transparent DTR conversation.
Have Fun Within Your Boundaries
Being pursued is a time of mutual exploration, so feel free to try new things and ask good questions. If you need some ideas for how to navigate a first date, check out 4 Ways to Not Go On A First Date. Allowing myself to be pursued doesn’t mean I’m powerless to contribute to the conversation, it simply means I’ve decided to let him lead the dance. We can let go of weighty expectations like knowing if he’s “The One” by date #2. Know your limits and have accountability so you can be pursued while staying healthy and having FUN!
If He’s Distracting You From Jesus, He’s Not From Jesus
Hear me on this, Ladies. No matter how many love letters he writes or fancy dinners he pays for; unless he’s completely surrendered to Jesus, he won’t pursue you with the integrity of Jesus. God longs for our full devotion and He doesn’t keep blessings from those who walk upright. If this is ringing a bell, it’s time to say “Peace be with you” and walk away because God has more for you.
Great Men Still Pursue Women
There are great guys out there who want to sweep you off your feet. It’s true. My roommate recently asked her male friend what keeps guys from pursuing women. He said women who look closed-off or overly serious is a major deterrent. This was a game changer for me because Lord knows I can give off the “don’t look at me” vibe, even when I want to mingle. Let’s help the guys by engaging conversation, staying approachable and occasionally smiling. If we stay open-minded and willing, God can and will surprise us.
Whether it has been one month or a decade since we’ve gone on a date, we can have hope that God sees us. He knows we’re worth the pursuit and His dreams for our future partners are greater than we could ever imagine.
Sidenote: In the midst of writing this article, I started dating someone who’s an all-star catch and loves Jesus. So, just be confident that great men do come to those who wait.