Dealing With Abuse


  When people counsel women (or men for that matter) to stay in dangerous situations in the name of “submission” they need to have their heads checked. A wife was never called to be a zookeeper, a lion tamer, or a punching bag. She was born to be protected, adored, cherished, and empowered. Submission must be mutually experienced and unilaterally applied, or it’s a slave-master relationship, not a marriage. Submission is not powerlessness and fear hammered out on the anvil of mindless religion, but it is truth forged in the furnace of servanthood and passion.

If a man abuses a woman and then tells her he loves her, he is a liar and a certified coward…period. Love is more than a bunch of words strung together in a sentence. I am not suggesting here that a woman divorce her husband (although that may be the only solution in some cases), but Tarzan should stay in the jungle by himself until he can prove he can be kind to the animals. Then MAYBE he will be ready to try and slowly rebuild trust with humans.

If Tarzan uses threats and manipulation to try to bully his way back into the relationship, he can stay in the jungle and live among the other gorillas.

All marriages require sacrifice, but forcing your wife (or husband) to be a sacrifice is a substitute savior and a false religion. Many people who drink this Kool-Aid die of a broken heart in the arms of their abuser. Contrary to popular opinion, children that grow up in this environment are being trained to be terrorists, not Disciples of Christ. Enduring abuse is not an expression of covenant love; it’s a slow march to the death camps of the devil. I’m convinced that some people who stay in dangerous and highly abusive marriages have a martyr’s complex. These people honestly believe Jesus requires them to stay in a cruel relationship. I think these people are reading the Bible through the eyes of self-hatred and a lack of self-respect. I do understand that some people call any conflict “dangerous abuse.” In no way am I trying to encourage divorce. I have been married for 40 years, so I am a covenant man. But I am also the victim of two extremely abusive stepfathers (thankfully one has changed his ways and is still married to my mother). I could literally write a book entitled ”A Practical Guide To Surviving A Violent Family.”